


A Day Without Laughter is a Day Wasted

by polkachipped



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Gen, Panic, and give him a wild ride, basically i break logan's head, but i guess it could be seen as romantic, i wrote this as platonic lamp btw, idk what im doing, im bad at tags, this is hot garbage im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 15:32:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15489003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polkachipped/pseuds/polkachipped
Summary: Why do the words he's reading not match the sound he's hearing?





	1. Broken

**Author's Note:**

> this is complete garbage btw i started typing when i had no prompt i just kept typing until there was something on the page and then i revised it
> 
> i essentially forced myself to write and the quality??? b a d
> 
> it is bad fellas
> 
> but im putting it here anyway bc fuck yall

This was the moment he knew.

 

**“Don't ask Logan. He won't care enough to give you the time of day,”** Roman scoffed.

 

No. Those weren't Roman’s words. His lips moved in an entirely different way, and Logan knows that the everyone else wouldn't laugh at such a thing. 

 

So why did Logan hear those words?

 

The four sides stood at their usual positions, with Thomas in the middle, having yet another mental dilemma. It was almost comical, how many of them he seemed to have. However, in a way, Logan could also consider it healthy. 

_ Better several small situations than one giant one, _ Logan always told himself after he was summoned. And he truly did believe this! He was happy to be of use, always. And these situations were always a free pass for Roman- inspiring him for video ideas and scripts.

 

When was the last time Logan himself had some sort of internal conflict…?

 

As he looked around the living room, dead eyes stared back at him- dead, soulless eyes that gave no mercy. No pity. Nothing. No one looked like they were laughing. Why did he hear laughter? 

 

_ ‘Hey, Logan? You alright there, specs?’ _ He saw Roman’s lips move, eyebrows furrowed in light concern, but this is not what he heard. This is not what he listened to.

 

**“What's the matter, Lo-? Cat got your tongue? Too apathetic to say anything back?”**

 

Logan shook his head as if to shake away the soundwaves. He still heard laughter. Virgil’s dark chuckle. Patton’s light giggle. Thomas’s classic laugh that should fill the room with happiness, but all Logan felt was dread. He stared ahead at everyone, wondering what was wrong with his head. What were they even originally talking about? He couldn’t recall- how could he forget so fast? He remembered everything. Why was he so focused on the laughter? On the booming words? He doesn’t care- he shouldn’t care...

 

And then. It clicked.

 

This was the moment he knew.

 

He’s Logic. And constantly his brain was working, working to break things apart and put them back together and zone in on every single detail around him to get the full picture. It worked to help him, aid him in understanding his surroundings just a bit faster than average. At least- that’s what he’d like to think. Doubts clouded his head at the worst of times… But this time, he was perfectly sure. He was perfectly sure he was right- he was sure of what his brain was trying to tell him.

 

This is what they’re really saying. What they’re really thinking. Dead eyes and laughing-laughing-laughter surrounded him- laughing at  _ him.  _ The one who thinks he’s clever.

 

Patton approached him- Logan could see out of the corner of his eye. No. He backed away quickly, eyes darting between everyone. Concerned faces? Dead eyes. Lips that said words that should mean they care but his ears only heard ridicule, ridicule, ridicule. He never believed in the proverb _ ‘ignorance is bliss’ _ but all he wanted was for his brain to stop. 

 

Laughter. The stares turned angry. Maybe he wasn’t right. No- this _ isn’t  _ right- _ falsehood. You’re not right, Logan,  _ his thoughts taunted.  _ You’re wrong. Everything is right- they’re right. Listen to them. _

Patton held his hands up as if he were attempting to show he wasn’t going to hurt Logan. Slowly approaching cautiously- he spoke softly, but somehow his words were loud and biting. **“Oh, lolo- you really** **_have_ ** **gone crazy, haven’t you?”**

**“We should throw him out. He’s obviously defective,”** Virgil stared at Logan in shock, or was it hate? Hate, shock, concern, disgust, hate shock concern disgust-

 

**“Wow, Logic. Seriously, you’re really letting me down, here.”** Thomas’s voice was cold, disappointing. His facial expression of worry contradicted the words.

 

_ What? _

 

Logan has to get out of here. He has to. Virgil is covering the steps- he can’t escape there, no. Roman and Patton are too close to the front door. That left behind him. He has to get out of here.

 

But it’s as if his legs didn’t hear the urgency, for they stood in place, unable to move. His knees trembled slightly and he knew it was clear as day. He has to move. His arms were held over his chest, his hands must have sensed a pain in his heart.  But this pain was of a type he did not fully understand. Understanding was his _ job, _ dammit.

 

For the first time since he started hearing what the others really think, he decided to speak. “You…”

 

Laughter. Immediate rise in laughter, laughter, laughter. He couldn’t get a word out. Nothing would be heard.

 

“Tho...”

 

Thomas’s laughter was the loudest of them all. Like a drum pounding in his ears. Boom, boom, boom. Laughter, laughter, laughter. As if the sound was physically tapping on his forehead and asking if anyone was home. 

 

“I…”

 

He couldn’t hear anything. His attempt to speak was met with a dry throat and four pairs of eyes dulled and voices risen to volumes that shouldn’t be possible. Laughing at him. His existence. He stared at everyone individually, rubbing at his eyes and hoping they would debunk what his ears were telling him.

 

Patton seemed to be saying something. Expressing obvious worry, regardless of what was happening to Logan, he wanted to help.  _ ‘It’s going to be okay, Logan,’  _ his eyes read the man’s lips. **“Are you really on the verge of tears? Pathetic-”** his ears heard. Dead eyes laughing at him.

 

Roman glanced around the room in nervous confusion, hoping it wasn’t him that said something wrong.  _ ‘H-hey- can you tell us what’s happening with you, friend?’  _ asked Roman’s lips. **“Wow, look at the pathetic man squirm. He’s petrified,”** taunted Roman’s voice. Dead eyes Laughing at him.

 

Virgil looked over Logan in almost a certain understanding, as if he knew what might be happening to Logan. His hands were in his pockets and after a moment he finally stepped off the stairs, his mouth moving at a snail’s pace, over enunciating the words. This made them easier to read..  _ ‘Logan. Breathe. Remember the exercise you taught me-?’  _

**“I can’t believe you all finally broke him for good. Serves him right,”** Virgil’s voice was mean and mocking. Laughing and dead.

 

He refused to look at Thomas. He couldn’t face that disappointment.

 

Some still functional part of Logan’s head remembered the advice he gave Virgil, and he looked to the ground in an attempt to drown out the noise. Breathe. Breathe in for five. 

 

Hold it for seven.

 

Exhale for eight…

 

Exhale for eight?

 

Why- why can’t he exhale the breath, why aren’t his lungs cooperating- exhale for eight- laughing noise- exhale for eight- when was a joke told? Exhale for eight- I can’t hear anything- exhale for eight, exhale for eight seconds, eight _ damn _ seconds- laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing _ laughing- _

 

“...hhh. Ha. Haha-hhhahaha-!  _ Ahahaha!” _

 

This was the moment he knew.

 

He could tell everyone physically reeled back as Logan burst out laughing- it wasn’t something they were expecting. 

 

“...Logan?” 

 

This was spoken by Thomas, who was looking up at the shaking, laughing figure in concern. Not disgust. This was definitely concern.

 

But Logan could not respond- only  _ laugh and laugh _ until he felt like  _ puking _ his guts out. He stole one more glance at the room through tears- what type of tears, he wasn’t sure- before he could collapse to the ground in a loud, giddy fit.

 

Naturally, this made everyone panic slightly. After all- this is the longest they have ever heard Logan laugh. And it wasn’t a good thing, considering no one told a joke.

 

“Dude, you’re scaring us,” Virgil picked at his jacket sleeves, stepping a bit behind Patton while the two right brained sides stood in front of Logan- shielding him from the view of Thomas. “Guys? Does- does this thing happen a lot?”

 

“Thomas, I regret to say we may have to cut our chit-chat short. I… We’ll pick up at a later time, ey?” Roman’s normal upbeat tone was replaced by something more subdued, more unsure. Patton nodded at this, turning back to the confused man and smiling apologetically. “We swear we’ll be back, kiddo! I’m just… Very worried about Logan.” He had to speak over the logical side’s cackling so he could be heard. And before Thomas could even think to ask something else, the three troubled sides sank back down to the mindscape, summoning a doubled-over wheezing Logan with them. 

 

This was the moment Logan knew, he was broken.


	2. Tired

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (hot garbage)

Logan was forced to stand up as he was summoned back into the mindscape, feeling a bit of vertigo as he stood up. His loud laughs quickly fizzled off into small chuckles, and he glanced around at the angry stares he was receiving. No… Not angry. Worried. He made them worried.

 

He almost felt helpless. The silence was infinitely better than the noise, Logan knew that for a fact- but it still unnerved him significantly. He wasn’t sure if he should say something…? He wasn’t sure if he could.

 

Patton said something first, noticing no one else had the words to. “Logan. Are you okay? What- what happened back there?” He approached once he realized the logical trait didn’t have that frantic look in his eye anymore, placing his hands on the taller male’s shoulders. 

 

“S-seriously, you had us really spooked, there. You were panicked and a half- was it something I said?” Roman wore a cautious expression- he would have chuckled nervously to lighten the mood, but he was afraid that would set Logan off again. Something in the man’s eyes made Roman want to run for the hills, but he stood his ground a bit to Logan’s left, determined to help his friend. 

 

“You’re… crying,” Virgil spoke up finally, standing a bit to Logan’s right, opposite of Roman. He said the words more to himself than to Logan, glancing around at everyone else. In the back of his mind, he knew that the others should give Logan a bit of space, but right now he was too shaken up about how Logan just.. Burst out laughing. And how lost and confused he looked right now- as if everyone else were speaking a different language.

 

Logan brought his hand to his face, gently feeling the wetness of his cheeks. The tears weren’t dry. He was currently _ still _ crying. Once he actually refocused on himself, he could feel his chest gently convulsing in not laughter, but silent sobs. When’s the last time he actually said an intelligible word-?

 

“I… I am fine now. I don’t know what came over me. I should apologize to you all, for-”

 

“Nonono- _ Logan.  _ Never apologize for having feelings. Especially not to me.” Patton’s face was painted in firmness.

 

_ Oh. _

 

Logan was expecting the laugher as soon as he opened his mouth, but… The lips speaking the words actually matched the voices that he heard. No taunting or dead stares. It left as abruptly as it came. As if it didn’t exist at all, and Logan simply laughed for no reason at all. 

 

As if he was crazy.

 

Was he crazy?

 

“I. I- am I crazy?” He asked softly, looking down at everyone. 

 

Patton opened his mouth to deny, but he heard Virgil speak up behind him, so he simply pulled Logan in for a hug, resting his forehead on the limp side’s shoulders.

“Hey. Logan. Your feelings are normal. You know how adamant I am about this, dude- you’re normal. I get that you had an attack back there- and you’re logic. It’s only natural you’d experience things differently, yeah-?”

 

Roman nodded his head vigorously in agreement, desperately trying to find something to grasp onto in the conversation. He was never very good at comforting people- despite being a right brained side. “Y-Yeah! Teach, your mind just processes things in an odd way. A-And that’s a good thing! We’re lucky to have you… I- I’m sorry if I said something-” 

 

Logan shook his head quickly, wiping away his tears and smiling. The smile scared Roman a bit, as if Logan might start laughing again. He could still distantly hear it- he had no idea why, but Logan’s laughter was the most terrifying thing he had experienced all month. And normally he loved to make Logan laugh.

 

“No, you did nothing, Roman. This is entirely my faul- erm… It is entirely on me,” he reworded his statement after receiving a glare from Virgil and a tighter hug from Patton. He finally decided to wrap his arms around the father figure, once he could actually feel them again. If he didn’t focus on his body, it felt like it wasn’t there. But now that he was a bit more grounded, he could feel Patton’s hug spreading a fiery warmth across his entire being.

 

And of course, he just had to start crying again. What an imbecile he is. 

 

He only grew louder upon feeling Roman and Virgil join the hug, his sobs a lot more of a softer sound than his previous outburst of emotion.

 

He didn’t think he would ever be fixed again. 

 

But this hug was rather pleasant.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big fuckn oof i set this up for roman angst on accident might write that in the future
> 
> also deceit is nowhere to be found in this scene so might write deceit angst in the future as well ooo
> 
> also i didnt proof read this because i cant proof read im bad at it bls forgive me


End file.
